Fondazione Marisa Bellisario

PERCHÉ È INDISPENSABILE SPIEGARE ALLE RAGAZZE CHE IL MONDO È BELLISSIMO ANCHE OFFLINE

di Monica Mosca*

Mi permetterete, alle soglie di agosto, di fare una leggera digressione dai nostri consueti argomenti e soprattutto toni e di occuparmi questa settimana con semplicità di un tema che ha risvolti ben più profondi.

Ho appena letto due recentissimi rapporti sugli stili di vita degli adolescenti italiani e il panorama è più che triste, e allarma: i ragazzi sono preoccupati per le sorti di un pianeta in guerra e in balia dei cambiamenti climatici; non hanno fiducia nel mondo del lavoro; non hanno progetti amorosi e preferiscono vivere alla giornata; sono pervasi di un pesante pessimismo; si rifugiano nei social network per tre ore al giorno (in media). È un universo complesso di emozioni da esplorare e da curare, se ne saremo capaci, e bisogna farlo in fretta.

Ma ve l’ho detto, oggi scriverò prendendo un tema così complicato da un’angolazione precisa, e a suo modo molto più semplice: la relazione fra certe ragazze e i social.

Mi è capitato di imbattermi su Instagram in una giovane ragazza che conosco. Mi correggo: non mi ci sono imbattuta per caso, io i social li uso soltanto per fatti di lavoro, spesso anche noiosi. Mi sono trovata “faccia a faccia” con lei su suggerimento di sua madre, una dermatologa piuttosto nota. “Guarda come è cresciuta mia figlia!”, mi ha detto mostrandomi il profilo della ragazzina. Sedici anni, capelli tinti di biondo con sfumatura rosa sulle punte, manicure che al confronto Crudelia Demon è una principiante, sedere sostanzialmente scoperto (a parte il tanga, che però in quella posa spariva). Del viso posso dirvi poco, se non che era talmente tirato a lucido da un qualche filtro da apparire luminoso.

Non mi è venuto in mente alcun commento che fosse riportabile a una madre, è stata una delle rare occasioni in cui non ho aperto bocca. “E tuo figlio? Non hai una sua foto?”, mi ha chiesto la dottoressa. Me la sono cavata con un generico “No, sai è un maschio…” ed è finita così, perlomeno da parte mia con un certo imbarazzo.

Ho tralasciato di specificare che la ragazzina posava ovviamente davanti allo specchio del bagno, tra piastrelle-mosaico verde acquamarina e lavandino, per non dir d’altro.

In oltre trent’anni di giornalismo ho scritto e fatto scrivere di tutto sugli intricati mondi degli adolescenti: li ho studiati, approfonditi con l’aiuto di esperti, scandagliati, sempre rispettati e difesi, spero davvero compresi. Dunque chi scrive non si scandalizza mai di alcun comportamento, o “moda”, o fesseria: cerco però, perché appunto questo è il mio mestiere, di spiegare i fenomeni del tempo che viviamo. E lo dico subito: in questo campo, quello dell’approccio e dell’utilizzo dei social, non è vero che dagli errori si impara. E sapete perché? Perché si evolvono così velocemente che si fatica a starci dietro. Ma soprattutto perché non ci applichiamo.

Ho consumato microfoni a registrare interviste nelle quali veniva spiegato che le ragazze devono impegnarsi più che mai ad esempio nello studio delle materie Stem, perché servono intelligenze femminili, perché c’è spazio da andarsi a prendere fra i maschi, perché danno opportunità di lavoro… Eppure ci sono ancora tante ragazze, di ogni ceto sociale (a dire il vero quelle più abbienti sono spesso le più testarde), che dopo un liceo finito a spintoni cercano un corso universitario breve, meglio se brevissimo, meglio ancora se online così la mattina non devono nemmeno alzarsi dal letto, perché “Mamma, voglio fare l’influencer”.

Ora, una madre non dico acuta, ma almeno sensata, dovrebbe rispondere: “Vuoi dire la social media manager”, perché quello è un lavoro vero e ci sono ragazzi intelligenti e creativi che con i social hanno fatto la fortuna di aziende, giornali, stilisti, tanto per citare qualche ambito lavorativo. Ma bisogna studiare marketing, e comunicazione e parecchio altro, non fotografarsi in bagno.

Siamo ancora impantanati in un mondo in cui i like, nella testa di certe ragazze, valgono più di una laurea e in cui l’ossessione dell’immagine, dell’apparire, del diventare famose senza merito nè impegno viene considerata legittima e rispettabile. Fa grande tristezza perché ne discutiamo da oltre dieci anni ma abbiamo fatto passi da formiche.

Ogni volta che vedo ragazzine svaporate e inconsapevoli come quella che ho citato, il primo pensiero che mi balza in mente è dove fosse la madre mentre la figlia postava reel su TikTok conciata come un brutto cartone animato. Che sia orfana, poverina? Perché bisogna sentirselo dire che la colpa è anche di noi madri, dell’educazione che abbiamo dato, peggio ancora dei valori che abbiamo trasmesso e del tempo che non abbiamo dedicato a raccontare che il mondo è bello anche se non condividi ogni secondo di ciò che fai. Anche se esci dal bagno e ti vesti.

(Può capitare poi che lo sconforto si faccia abisso perché la mammina è uguale alla figlia, solo con 30 anni di idiozia in più, ma questo è un caso che considero fuori dalla portata mia e di quella di tutte voi che state leggendo).

Siamo in piena estate, la stagione più calda anche per i selfie da postare con emoji demenziali, per i video da condividere dal luogo più “cool”, per mostrarsi in ogni senso. #goodvibes , “vibrazioni positive”, è uno degli hashtag più inflazionati:  ecco, se avessi una figlia le suggerirei di scriverlo sotto la foto di un tramonto, di un bacio, di un fiore. Lascerei stare discoteche zeppe come uova, bocche a cuore e unghie alla Crudelia Demon. Direi che è necessario.

*Giornalista

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