Fondazione Marisa Bellisario

PER GIULIA E PER TUTTE LE ALTRE

Sono passati 24 anni dall’istituzione della Giornata internazionale per l’eliminazione della violenza sulle donne. Ancora prima dell’Onu, a scegliere il 25 novembre per celebrare la battaglia contro la violenza di genere fu il primo incontro femminista latino-americano svoltosi a Bogotà nel 1981. La data è in memoria delle sorelle Mirabal: il 25 novembre 1960, le tre attiviste politiche furono bloccate sulla strada da agenti del Servizio di informazione militare, stuprate, torturate e strangolate, vennero gettate in un precipizio, a bordo della loro auto, per simulare un incidente. Le sorelle Mirabal militavano nella resistenza contro la dittatura trujillista, una delle più dure dell’America Latina. Dal loro impegno prese il via un gruppo politico clandestino che si espanse in tutto il Paese. Con la loro morte, Trujillo credette di aver eliminato un problema, ma nonostante le censure, la coscienza dell’opinione pubblica dominicana fu terribilmente scossa e l’anno successivo il dittatore venne assassinato.

Basterebbe pensare alla genesi, quindi, per dare a quelli che poi abbiamo chiamato femminicidi il senso giusto, quello troppe volte taciuto. Questa giornata nasce per ricordare tre donne uccise non dai mariti o compagni, non per gelosia e per un raptus di follia.

«La memoria è una donna umile, lei non crede che le cose vecchie vadano buttate» scrive in una sua bellissima poesia Giulia Catricalà. E allora esercitiamola per buttare alle ortiche ogni polemica e ragionare con serietà.

Abbiamo chiesto a tante amiche e amici di scrivere per questo numero speciale dedicato alla violenza di genere. Hanno detto tutto quel che c’era da dire, così come abbiamo letto tutto in questi giorni. Parlare di violenza, farlo da tanti angoli e prospettive diverse, farlo uomini e donne, giova alla costruzione di una coscienza collettiva. Non è assolutorio né risolutivo ma aiuta a capire ed è dalla comprensione lucida che arrivano le strategie più efficaci.

E allora, proprio alla luce delle considerazioni che leggerete, io credo che per andare avanti dobbiamo fare un passo indietro. Come siamo arrivati a questo punto? A una donna su tre che subisce violenza nel mondo, senza distinzioni di istruzione o censo? Alle 103 che hanno perso la vita in Italia dall’inizio dell’anno, malgrado il Codice Rosso, le denunce in aumento, i provvedimenti attuati da istituzioni e associazioni, le campagne di sensibilizzazione. Come siamo arrivati agli oltre 2 milioni e mezzo di vittime di aggressioni fisiche e sessuali, più tutto il sommerso degli abusi psicologici, economici e verbali?

Ha ragione Paola Cortellesi – e oggi sono ancora più orgogliosa di averle consegnato la Mela d’Oro – la violenza c’è sempre stata. Il punto è che prima si subiva, in silenzio, e la sottomissione evitava il più delle volte l’atto definitivo. Non si denunciava, non c’erano statistiche. Prima le donne si svagavano poco e non lavoravano e le molestie negli uffici non avevano modo di esserci. Prima le donne non dicevano “no” e lo stupro era comunque un reato contro la morale. Prima non si poteva divorziare ma solo sopportare un marito, anche violento. Prima la maggior parte delle donne stava “a bocca chiusa”.

Poi, tutto è cambiato. La rivoluzione noi donne l’abbiamo portata nelle piazze ma anche nelle case. Ci siamo riprese il nostro corpo, decidiamo quando e se procreare, lavoriamo e ci picchiamo anche di decidere, dentro e fuori dalle nostre famiglie. A volte siamo addirittura i capi. Comandiamo, un dipartimento, un’azienda, un Paese. Certo la rivoluzione non è ancora compiuta, gli studi dicono che serviranno ancora 135 anni per affermare la parità di genere e, al netto dei frequenti passi indietro, forse saranno ancora di più. Le donne ai vertici sono ancora poche, gli stipendi femminili più bassi, le lavoratrici sempre meno degli uomini, le discriminazioni ancora in essere.

Ecco allora il primo punto: la rivoluzione non ancora compiuta. Perché siamo diverse, più consapevoli, lavoriamo, usciamo e partiamo con le amiche ma poi… Poi la maggior parte di noi non ha un conto in banca. Poi tante, troppe, di noi rinunciano al lavoro per crescere un figlio perché è così che deve andare, a rinunciare deve essere una madre perché l’uomo deve fare l’uomo e portare i soldi a casa. Poi tante di noi derubricano le battute sessiste al lavoro da parte di un collega o non si indignano dall’essere le uniche al tavolo delle decisioni o non sono mortificate dall’essere giudicate per il taglio dell’abito piuttosto che per il proprio talento. Poi, senza quasi accorgercene, guardiamo a ogni conquista come un’eccezione, a ogni disparità come un assioma inevitabile. E così in fondo accettiamo di restare subalterne, di accontentarci del posto che un uomo ci concede. Il primo punto, è compierla fino in fondo questa rivoluzione. Pubblicamente e individualmente, nelle cariche pubbliche e nella gestione familiare, nel dibattito pubblico e nell’educazione dei nostri figli. Senza arretrare un passo, perché i diritti non sono acquisiti per sempre. Avanzando insieme.

Il secondo punto sono loro, i maschi. Un uomo su due pensa che la violenza sulle donne non lo riguardi. E invece riguarda soprattutto gli uomini. Il tema non è il patriarcato o meglio è il venir meno di quel patriarcato, che ha lasciato gli uomini in mezzo al guado. Ad armare la mano dei femminicidi è proprio la debolezza di quel sistema maschiocentrico e il suo estremo e violento tentativo di non dissolversi. Il patriarcato ha regnato per millenni con l’esercizio della forza ma anche con l’accettazione della responsabilità che ne derivava. Il maschio era “padrone” perché era colui che nutriva e proteggeva. Oggi le donne non hanno bisogno di essere nutrite e difese, vogliono cavarsela da sole e ci riescono benissimo. E mentre noi eravamo impegnate a costruire questa nuova identità, gli uomini si sono ritrovati privi di quella che avevano e incapaci di costruirne una complementare alle nuove donne che avevano accanto. Impreparati e impotenti di fronte alla forza sempre più cosciente e vivida delle donne. Anche senza saperlo, ognuno degli uomini che odia le donne fino al punto di ucciderle sta reagendo a una perdita di status, alla fine di un diritto di possesso, di una licenza senza vincoli, di un primato, che non sanno accettare. Ognuno tenta confusamente e violentemente di riprendersi il potere che aveva, o che gli hanno fatto credere avrebbe avuto. I femminicidi, le violenze, gli stupri di gruppo non sono un rigurgito della società patriarcale né sono frutto di ignoranza e arretratezza. La loro “trasversalità” sta lì a dimostrarlo così come l’età dei loro protagonisti. Sono figli della modernità e dell’incapacità di trovare un nuovo equilibrio nel rapporto tra i generi.

La risposta, la soluzione passa da tutti noi. Dalla politica, dalle istituzioni, dalla società, dalle famiglie e dalle scuole. Ieri è stato approvato il rafforzamento del Codice rosso, un altro passo importante e nel nostro piccolo, la proposta lanciata a Palermo di destinare gli immobili confiscati alla magia a centri di accoglienza e formazione per le donne vittime di violenza è stata accolta dal Presidente della Regione Siciliana Schifani e speriamo di contaminare le altre Regioni.

E la risposta passa anche dagli uomini. Bisogna trasformare in profondità i rapporti di potere tra i generi, scardinare un sistema che delegittima le donne a livello politico, economico, sociale. La cultura si cambia con il linguaggio, con l’educazione ma anche e soprattutto con i fatti, con la realtà quotidiana, con il vissuto. Quello di una società in cui il lavoro di una donna è importante, dignitoso, remunerato quanto quello di un uomo e in cui libertà e indipendenza economica non hanno genere. Non è un processo semplice né immediato ma va iniziato subito. Per Giulia, 22 anni spenti da un compagno di università e per tutte le altre.

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